Have you ever started out doing something with certain expectations and along the way something else happens that completely shocks you? That is exactly what has happened to me.
On my quest to save my “youterus” and all my adventures with avoiding going to the doctor’s office, including the little party I had, I eventually got started on Seasonique–the birth control pill that provides relief from a monthly period. Instead of suffering monthly you instead “suffer” seasonally, or 4 times per year.
Originally I was afraid of the emotional toll that taking these hormones would have on me, and well it is still a little too early to report on that. I can say that in the first week or two I did feel a little more emotional than I normally am but that quickly passed. At this point, I am hoping that continues and that I don’t become a “Seasonal Freak.” More importantly I am hoping that when “Aunt Flo” does come for her visit, I am not in triple the amount of pain–that would make this venture pointless and even more disappointing–more than likely it would become my next excuse for avoiding doctors.
So with no real emotional issues to report, one might assume I was gaining weight given that is the other typical concern when you begin taking birth control. But no, I was not gaining weight like so many people claim to have happen to them. I might have been more ok with that then the unexpected change that has taken place–well probably not, but at least I wouldn’t have been surprised and there would be something I could do about that.
You see, I am the kind of girl who is completely comfortable with myself. No, I don’t think I am perfect and yes I DO have flaws, but I am comfortable with myself and those flaws as they are. I know I don’t have a button nose and I am fine with that. I know that I am not exceptionally tall and that I can be overly thin at times, but again, fine, that’s what makes me, me. I don’t have to hide behind my robe and a shower curtain at the gym and I don’t get dressed in my closet so that no one dares see what is under my clothes.
But because I am also very used to the way I am. When something changes, I become immediately aware and generally don’t like the change.
It is not that I don’t like or appreciate change. Actually I generally do very well with change and adapt quickly. I have moved more times than I can remember and every time I have come out on top with friends and a life I enjoy. But for some reason when it comes to me and my physical appearance, I take on a completely different personality. I hate change. HATE, HATE, HATE it.
I’m not exactly sure when my hatred for bodily change started but if I had to reflect on my life I think my detest came when I was pregnant with my oldest son. Unlike many women, I don’t enjoy the pregnancy experience. I have a really hard time. I am miserably sick, I am constantly worried that I will lose the baby, I am poked and prodded by doctors more than the average woman and the whole thing is just awful. So on top of all of that when my oldest put his foot into my rib cage and forced my two lower back ribs out-of-place and away from my back, creating this disgusting lump on my back, I was not happy. You can imagine how this physical alteration was completely unwanted.
So here I am deformed, sick and miserable and then I have to add to the list painful breasts that increased in size. And not to mention the basketball size stomach. So by the time I was 36 weeks I wanted nothing more than to have my baby AND to stop sharing my body.
Yep pretty sure that is where physical change started to rub me the wrong way. I love being a mom but I hate the process of becoming one.
And now here I am, not pregnant, not wanting to be pregnant, selfishly not sharing my body, and completely enjoying the comfort I have had in myself for the past 8 years, when I start taking a hormone which unexpectedly changed me. You can imagine my lack of excitement–which ironically, if this had happened to other women in my shoes, they would probably be excited about this change. But not me.
For some crazy reason my breasts have become incredibly sore (like in pregnancy) and have grown. YES GROWN. Again, I haven’t gained weight so it is not boob fat, it is simply hormone changes and growth.
Now if you read my post on “How Penis Enlargement Led to the Health of my Breasts,” you know how I feel about boob jobs–they are not for me. Yes I barely fit into a cup size A but I am small all around so that does not bother me. In fact, I am proportioned very nicely.
But now, because of this lovely “miracle” drug I now have fewer periods and bigger boobs? What the heck? So what happens when I stop taking it, do they shrink back up and now appear all stretched out and saggy? That’s great, another change I so badly want.
I think the most interesting part of it all was the surprising reaction from my husband–he loves it. I am in no way upset with him for that it just was a little surprising coming from a man who has never found the size of breasts all that important. But I guess they are like a new toy for him.
Now I am just at a loss and don’t know how to feel, so I think I am going to reach out to all of you and ask for help. So what do I do?
- Do I stop whining and just accept my new found breasts, because well my husband loves them and it is not like they are huge (in comparison to other people)?
- Do I quickly stop taking Seasonique before I irrivocably mess up my body?
- Do I run, not walk, to the doctor to find out how to make this stop and reverse itself?
- What do I do????????
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