Can You Make a Mistake and Miss Your Fate?


Jeff and Carrie Spring 1992


Jeff and Carrie Summer 2009















Webster’s Dictionary defines fate as that which unavoidably befalls a person; fortune; lot; The universal principle or ultimate agency by which the order of things is presumably prescribed; That which is inevitably predetermined; A prophetic declaration of what must be.
If fate is something so unavoidable and inevitably predetermined, can you make a mistake and miss your fate? Or does fate have a way of working things out?
I have always believed in life unfolding in a way that allows those things that are meant to be. I believe that things happen for a reason and while it may be unclear while it is happening, at some point in life you will completely understand why events took place in the past.
Take my husband and me for example. We met 20 years ago just as I was getting ready to enter high school. Shortly after meeting we started dating and continued our relationship for the next 5.5 years. Everyone around us–parents, friends, family, everyone really, would say to us “you two are the perfect couple and meant to be.” We were that great together. The only thing that kept us from reaching our potential back then was the fact that we had some growing up to do and growing can be painful. College took a toll on us, we were young and confused and in search of ourselves while trying to stay together. Mistakes were made and we parted ways.
Fate was determined though–the more we tried to pull apart, the more times it threw us back together. I ran and ran and ran and I just could not escape what I knew to be true and right. I am a stubborn girl and that makes it very hard when fate is yelling at you and you just won’t listen out of pure desire to be right. No matter how hard I fought it, fate wanted what it wanted.
Now here we are twenty years after we met and we are married and happier than we have ever been. My life it not perfect nor has it gone as I thought it would, but I am married to the man I should have always been with. Sometimes it is hard to not wish we could go back to a time when life was more simple and change things.  Sometimes we dream of an easier path. However, was it a mistake that things took the path they did or was that a part of fate’s plan as well?
Let’s see, if I had not been so stubborn in the past I would not have experienced all the amazing things I did. I have traveled all over and lived in many different places, including Hawaii, which I have to thank my past for. My husband and I would not have four beautiful children whom we love and adore if we had just put into action what we knew to be right in the past. We also would not have two exes in our lives that can be extremely frustrating at times, not to mention all of the false accusations and lies. But without them, those four children would not be here and those four make everything including the good and the bad so very worth it. All of these experiences have made us who we are today and personally, I love who we have become.
If you can’t miss your fate, which I do not believe you can, then is there a way to make it easier and avoid all of the garbage that goes along with taking the longer route? Fate is coming whether you are ready or not, so the only way to avoid the harder, longer path is to be prepared.
How can you be prepared for the unknown and this predetermined cosmic fate?
Know what you want, be prepared to follow through and trust that fate will show you the way. All of which is easier said than done to be sure. But think about it a little, If I had not been so stubborn and set my emotions aside, I would have seen that what I wanted all along was standing right in front of me. However being young and naive, I did not know exactly what I wanted. All I can say is if you are in a place in your life where you are at a crossroads with fate, do you best to figure out exactly what you want and go after it. Whether it be a relationship or a career choice, define your desire and own it. Do not be afraid. They say knowledge is power, and I think in your quest to follow fate, knowledge will absolutely give you a leg up.
Once you know what you want, prepare for it. You may not know when exactly things will happen or work out for you but getting ready is key. Take this website for example, I have known my whole life I wanted to write but I was too scared to pursue it. Time and time again opportunity knocked and passed me by. Then a few years ago I took a leap of faith and began writing for other people. No not exactly what I was wanting to do but it paid and it gave me experience. Then on top of that I started playing around with blogging and testing the waters a little. I learned what worked and what didn’t and what gained peoples attention as well as what lost their attention. Now here we are in 2011, this website has only been up and running for the a little over a month and a half–my first month, I had several thousand people read my work (not bad for 28 days and no advertising) and I had email after email asking me to re-post my work as well as offering me writing jobs. 14 days into my second month and I have already well surpassed the previous month’s totals–will Day to Day Woman be successful? Who knows, but I am preparing for it. Only fate knows what the plan is, but I will be ready when the door opens.

What’s left, trusting fate. I keep referring to fate as the all knowing and if I weren’t trying to keep religion and personal beliefs out of this post I would probably tell you that God is the one who is really in control here. And if I were going down that path, I would probably quote some scripture about trusting in the Lord with all your heart, but since I am not doing that today, I will just say to trust in what you believe and have faith in the things you want. Life has a way of working itself out even when you think all hope is lost.
So can you make a mistake and miss you fate? I don’t think so.

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3 Responses to “Can You Make a Mistake and Miss Your Fate?”

  • I’m really impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your weblog.?Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it’s rare to see a great blog like this one today..

  • Chris:

    I am in the same exact situation as you. I made a wrong choice when I was young and fate fixed it. I have a very hard time dealing with the judgement of others. How do you handle it? I regret nothing but do feel badly that other’s were hurt because of my direct actions. I also think that the poor behaviors of both my ex and mostly my fiance’s ex has over shadowed our behavior. We were both very willing to work with our ex’s in terms of custody, money etc and for the most part my ex has been OK but his ex has been horrible to the point where he has not seen his daughter in over a year. I can’t begin to tell the the money we have spent in court.

    I am only a year into my situation and we plan to marry later this year. I guess my real question to you is how long do you feel like you are wearing the scarlet letter A?

    • Hi Chris,

      I am sorry to hear about your frustrating situation. I believe while situations can be similar, everyones story is a little different. I wish I could give you exact answers to your questions but there is no way for me to know how your story will end. So speaking only for myself and my husband I will say that it is a long hard road and I am not sure when the exact end will be. Truthfully, it will probably be the day that our youngest is grown and on his own. Although that may be the point when I am completely done with their other parents, more realistically I will done dealing with them when the kids are in high school. They will be able to speak for themselves and relay information back and forth without issue and I believe at that point there will be no more contact.

      In my situation, we differ from you in that we do not wear the “scarlet letter A.” We have known each other for over twenty years and because of our closeness, some people liked to think that was what we did, but to those who truly know us and the truth, they know we didn’t. Not to say that we did not make mistakes in marrying people whom we did not love and should have told the truth to long ago. Apparently based on some peoples point of view, you have a reason to wear a “scarlet A” if you combine the mistake of marrying the wrong person with standing in front of your children’s school with the right person talking about things that were irrelevant while still married to other people, and then after the marriages were over, you quickly pick up from where you left off years ago. So while I do not deserve that letter A, I still have to deal with a couple people trying to pin it to me. I think some people just need someone else to blame and honestly I don’t care. I am not guilty and no one can make me feel that way.

      That being said, no matter what the real truth is, that “scarlet a” that you speak of is something one ex in particular loves to pin on us daily. The stories this ex comes up with are unbelievable and not only are they told to friends and any one who will listen, they are told to the whole internet. That’s right, the hate rag is as we like to call it, is published online where venom is constantly spewed. Let me just say it can be a challenge as you can imagine.

      So here is what I suggest, love your children. Know that there is an end even when you cannot see it. At the very least it will end when the kids are grown but more likely sooner. Time will soar by and this will all be in the past before you know it. Love your man, if he is the one, as I know mine is, the two of you will be able to get through anything together. Forget about the letter A. Those that love you see past that and those that don’t aren’t worth it. No one can make you feel guilty, that is something you bring on yourself. So forgive yourself and move forward. It sucks to hurt people but at some point they have to get over it and so do you.

      Lastly, in regards to your husband and his daughter, I am so very sorry that his ex is keeping her from him. For us that has never been an issue and we have always shared our children. But, as a child my mother got custody of me and my father got every other weekend. Not long into everything it became too hard for my dad and he made a choice, one he probably should not have but did. He stepped away and I rarely saw him even though he lived 15 miles from my house. I won’t say it was not hard and I won’t say that it didn’t take me a long time to get over it. But I will say that he and I are very close today. So please don’t give up on his daughter. You may or may not get to see her and spend time with her but don’t let that keep you away. Send her letters, call, email, do whatever you can to stay in contact. If the mom just won’t allow it and you can’t get around it, write the letters anyway. Save them for her. One day she will be grown and you can show her everything.

      Out of personal experience with my parents, I can say that as a child I accepted everything that was said to me as fact. As a grown up I have taken all that both of my parents have said over the years, combined that with what I remember myself and came up with my own version of the truth. Nothing any one else can say or do will affect either of those relationships. This may be a long way off for you two and his daughter, but the day will come sooner than you think.

      Good luck to you.


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