Roses are red, violets are blue, valentines are cute, give one to me, and I may puke on you.
Seriously, pink and red hearts are everywhere. Candy, chocolate, flowers, jewelry all of these typical Valentine’s Day gifts can be seen when you walk into virtually every store. Jewelry stores are geared up to handle the flood of men running in to pick up the perfect ring. It is Valentine’s Day and every man is running around trying to figure out how to show the one he loves just how much he loves her.
I have to say as cute as some of it is, outside of making the day fun for my children, I have no desire to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I know what you are thinking, and no it is not because I am a woman who has been wronged or hurt by a man. It is not because I am not in love and unhappy with my husband. It isn’t even the fact that my husband asked his ex-wife to marry him on Valentine’s day (though if I was a girl who thought Valentine’s day was the ultimate holiday, I may be bothered. Ironically I just find it fitting that he asked her in such a typical and cliche kind of way. It summed up their relationship or lack thereof.) In fact my feelings are quite the opposite of all of that.
If you are one who lives and dies for Valentine’s Day and the swooning that is supposed to take place, I suggest you stop reading here. You may prefer such articles as “Signs He’s About to Propose” or “8 Last-Minutes Valentine’s Day Gifts.” However, if you find Valentine’s Day a little so-so, disgusting, or you just want to read my thoughts, then by all means, continue.
My shirt says it all, “I am so over Valentine’s Day!” I DO NOT want my husband to run around like a chicken with his head cut off, aimlessly looking for the perfect Valentine’s Day gift. I want my husband to show me he loves me because he wants to, not because there is a day that says he has to. I don’t want him coming home with flowers for me because it is February 14th. I want flowers because it is Friday and he walking past the flower shop and thought of me. Even better, pass up the flowers and make a stop at the shoe store. If he shows up with a fabulous pair of shoes, I will be his forever. 🙂
If you love a girl like me, here are the top ten things NOT to do on Valentine’s day:
1) DO NOT ask her to marry you. Please for the love of God, do not do that. If you want to marry her, that is wonderful. Plan the perfect proposal and be as romantic as you want, but not on February 14. Let her have a day all to herself–not when thousands or other guys are thinking and doing the exact same thing. Let the day you asked her to marry you be special to only her. It should be a day that she will write on her calendar as her engagement day.
2) No Candy. The real holiday season just ended and so many of us are onto our New Year’s resolutions, which usually includes getting into shape and diets. Don’t ruin all of her effort with a box of fattening chocolates.
3) No Flowers. I love flowers but not when they are given to me because your co-worker got some and you feel like you have to do the same for me. I want flowers when we are taking a walk and you happen to see a field with wild flowers in them and you pick me a couple. Don’t do something just because that is the traditional thing to do.
4) Do not make a trip to Jared’s/Zales/[Insert chain store here]. While jewelry is a nice gift, try shopping outside of chain jewelry stores. They are more personal and for someone like me that means so much more. My husband did not make a trip to the mall when it was time to buy me an engagement ring. He went to a small local jewelry shop where he was able to pick out and design the perfect ring for me. He did not find a stock ring that every other woman getting engaged at the time had. One of my favorite things about my ring was that it was made for me, and it is not like anyone else’s.
5) No heart shaped food. How tacky can one be, pizza with heart shaped dough or pepperonis is a really lame, make that terrible, idea.
6) Do not buy her lingerie. What are you basically saying because is it is Valentine’s Day you will be getting some. If she is into Valentine’s Day it is her job to give you the lingerie and also what usually comes with it, not the other way around. Most women I know define the opposite of foreplay as a man that assumes he is going to get lucky. Trust me when I say, don’t be that guy.
7) No stuffed animals. Are we still ten years old or have you never grown up? It is very cute to give your 8-year-old daughter a stuffed bear that has a heart which reads “Be My Valentine.” It is not so cute to bring that home to your wife; in fact it’s kind of weird.
8) No Valentine’s paraphernalia. If she already is opposed to Valentine’s Day, do you really think she wants that mug with love symbols all over it? I may love Starbucks, however I do not want a pink to-go mug with hearts on it.
9) Absolutely no Snuggies. On a regular basis, these blankets that people wear creep me out. As a gift on Valentine’s Day, I would be appalled. This gift absolutely does not become more appealing just because it is pink. Giving her a Snuggie is actually worse than buying lingerie.
10) Last but not least, DO NOT make an appointment for her to get vajazzled. This is the worst possible idea. Like lingerie, this is meant for a man (no a man is not supposed to vajazzle himself, though manscaping is not a bad idea). If your girl wants to get this done, then let her plan it and get it done. Really it should be a surprise for her man, not the other way around.
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